I hesitate to describe this past couple of weeks. Possibly because they've been so damn polar. Either soaring or completely and utterly South.

Today was one of the latter days.

And it's so beautiful out today, and I'd finally recovered my happiness a couple days ago after a few just nasty ones. Mostly. Doomed happiness, of this I was aware. Have you ever had that kind of... perfect bliss, I can only think to describe it, that's almost depressing because you know it can't last? Um, that.

I'm worried about someone whom I am also furious at, whom it is almost senseless to argue with.

I'm worried about someone else because the first person has... misused? Mistreated? I don't know, but it's a pretty big mis-doing-- aw hell, screwed up badly. And it hurt her a lot, and it was Not Fair, or right.

And the second person is Very Important to me.

Ahem:

Sorry, but you can't expect someone to be there for you when you don't tell them that anything is wrong. Or when you brush off that anything is wrong when it's noticed out of hand.

Balances, balances. How easily they go tipping. I'm beginning to wonder if there is really such a thing as friendly neutrality. You know-- the quality to support one when one needs it, even when there is disagreement. Oh, I know there is. I know some people. Hell, I'm like that, most of the time, or I like to think I am. But I can't be when I'm in the thick of it.

Love. So bloody, isn't it?

And it's still such a goddamn beautiful day. Maybe I'll go make a garden. Or clean. I don't know.

I can infect her with the happiness I have stored when she gets home or try, but I can't replace what she's lost. A best friend. An outlet. This breaks my heart. No, this isn't useful.

But what is?

<<agé chose>>

0 comments.notation.profile.DW.Quois.Lochinvar.smut.Tambourin.DiaryLand.DeadNazi