I was thinking yesterday about the life everyone is supposed to want. About completely ordinary. Yes, yes, I know-- boring. But.

Does it occur to anyone else that such a life is not /only/ dull, but hazardous, wasteful, unhealthy, and probably dangerous?

An aside: they keep playing the advert for 'The Princess Diaries' at work. Protagonist-girl's life is said to be "completely ordinary". What a crock of shit! The child is an extraordinary klutz. How can one be ordinary if one is frightfully ugly, apparently stupid, and, as the girl says, 'a freak'?

Anyway, I was contemplating an eternity of /this/ not doing anything but working, bill-paying, yawning, eating, cooking, diverting myself through simple games, occasional socialising, and not being able to write or think. You see, I'm not as fast a thinker as some are, (as some continually rub in without realising it) and I'm a lot less... intelligent? I don't know... maybe able, rather, than I once was.

But I can recall brilliance, which /hurts/. And I find myself wishing to be so fucking stupid that I can't even comprehend what it's like to have a mind. What's worse-- knowing and failing, or never knowing any better?

ignorance = blissful damnation.

Dammit.

nevermind my head. Sanity is optional, and a trickier problem than I'm prepared to deal with today. But it feels like my soul is leeching out of my toes, and that... isn't...

...kosher? Yeah, Like i'm not trayf to the toes to begin with. Acceptable.

I think the self is the only fitting offering in a ritual sacrifice, don't you?

I mean, what else, when it all comes down to it, is really of value to any power that matters? I'm not talking suicide, mais non, but giving up some of that self-absorbed idea of 'The American Dream' (which is a total fucking misnomer, imho), and concentrating some more on America's dreams. Or any country's. Or... well, dammit. /Something/ bigger than self or circle.

What was it the little cartoon said about working constructively in the real world?

Maybe once my life comes out of boxes, I'll take a walk by the still waters, and restoreth my soul.

Make a splash.

<<agé chose>>

0 comments.notation.profile.DW.Quois.Lochinvar.smut.Tambourin.DiaryLand.DeadNazi